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Author
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Topic: Relationships & TV Jobs
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midwestnewsgirl
Junior Member
Member # 13450
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posted October 26, 2007 06:20 AM
I've been in the same market for about 4 years now and started a relationship with someone here a few years ago. At the time when we started our relationship, he told me he had every intention of leaving this city someday.
Now that my contract is nearing its end, and the possibility of moving is nearing, I don't think he's so inclined to leave.
I've heard two different schools of thought for people in the biz. Number one, find someone else in the business because only they can truly understand your situation (whatever it may be.) But I've also heard, stay away from people in the business, so you can really "get away from work," and it's more difficult for two people to find a job in the same market.
So, for those of you who are married, or in a committed relationship, what does your significant other do, and is it a struggle for you to balance the demands of your job with the demands of your relationship?
Thanks for the insight!
Posts: 18 | From: Midwest | Registered: Jan 2007
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Pregnant Reporter
Member
Member # 5250
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posted October 26, 2007 08:36 AM
I'll give you my short answer because I'm running out the door, but I'll give you a more in depth one later.
You're right- it's difficult on either count. I dated people in the business for 12 years before marrying someone in a different, but basically parallel field.
I found people outside the business had too much trouble with the demands, travel, schedule, constant "tv talk," and even times, our cynical and skewed view of things. I also had a hard time jumping in because I wondered if people were asking ME out, or asking out "that anchor chick." It became a trust issue in a sense.
I have just as long a list of complaints about people in the biz, some of which you've brought up.
I've seen people do well with both. With couples in tv, there are many cases where one of them gets out but the relationship stays together. Usually this is when kids come into the picture and somebody needs a more stable schedule.
But I work with several people who have spouses in careers where they can and will uproot. And I also work with two married people who do long-distance marriages.
Posts: 412 | From: In The Field | Registered: Jan 2004
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rootboyslim
Open Line Veteran
Member # 706
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posted October 26, 2007 10:50 AM
It's simply a tough field to have a lasting relationship and rasie a family. I got married when I was a reporter. My wife and I had twins and I was still a reporter. We had a third child and I was still a reporter. I also travelled a lot and got home late from stories.
So I felt a choice was needed. She had worked in a hospital but we both felt it was best for her to stay home and raise the kids. I was in debt. I was away a lot. So I changed careers. I spoke with Bob Dotson about this before making the decision. He told me the choice was simple. You could watch yoru kdis grow up from afar or you could be there all the time. I knew the answer for me and made the change.
The reporting job, with it's horrendous pay and all, was ripping at my marriage and keeping me from my family. I wanted to watch my kids grow up and be a big part of their lives---coach them in baseball, watch all my daughter's recitals and particpation in school activities.
That is guranteed, for the most part, in my current occupation (corporate PR), but was almost impossible in my old profession---TV.
Good luck.
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It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care!
FEAR THE TURTLE!
GO TERPS!
Posts: 9615 | From: Southeast, USA | Registered: Aug 2001
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s'news
Open Line Veteran
Member # 2664
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posted October 26, 2007 08:33 PM
You could find a partner who is in the same field, but not exactly doing the same thing. Maybe she's in print journalism and you do something involving broadcasting. Or something like that.
Anyway, the love and commitment parts are pretty important. If you care, it works out from there.
Memo to Mrs. s'news: I love you.
Posts: 14269 | From: Houston | Registered: Jan 2003
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Pro
Open Line Veteran
Member # 5396
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posted October 27, 2007 01:40 AM
My first wife was "in the biz"...it was a newsroom fling, we were both in our early 20's....and you get the rest. Fortunately the so-called "marriage" didn't last very long and no children were involved. It was a clean break. I haven't heard from her in over 20 years. I hope she's OK.
My second marriage was with someone outside of the biz. After 15+ years and uncounted moves, she got tired of the moving, the crazy hours I had to work, and the fact that we stopped talking (among other things). She blamed my job, and she probably was at least partially right. It was tough because we had 2 kids. But after my second ND gig (when I was caught in a top-to-bottom management shakeup) I was able to get a job as an AND/EP in the city she moved to (a city I worked in years before), so I am able to spend time with my kids. So it wasn't so bad.
The point is there are perils either way, with someone in or not in "the biz".
[ October 27, 2007, 01:40 AM: Message edited by: Pro ]
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Spx Guy
Member
Member # 3332
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posted October 30, 2007 04:02 PM
My wife and I moved around for the first few years because of me. Now she's worked her way up at her job. She's happy. I'm happy because she's happy...AND I'm happy professionaly. I'm in a small market and feel I could move on. However, that's NOT what's driving me. I'm enjoying life as my wife's partner. Seeing her happy and successful is more than enough to keep me around in a small market. A lifer? I guess.
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TVMattNYC
Open Line Veteran
Member # 4950
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posted October 30, 2007 04:46 PM
quote:
Originally posted by U of Md Terps--Let's go Maryland:
It's simply a tough field to have a lasting relationship and rasie a family.
Allow me to put in MY two cents.
These shifts suck for EVERYONE, including us single gay guys. I might even say *especially* for single people.
Married-with-kids types might have it *slightly* easier than us singles in that they at least have their social lives "built in" to their HOME lives. Yes, it sucks that you can't ALWAYS see your wife and kids, but at least you LIVE with them, and they are there with you. You also have a spouse at home who at least is taking care of SOME of the domestic chores (shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.)
For singles, you are TOTALLY alone in the world. There's no one to come home to, and it's nearly impossible to meet and socialize with other people outside of work because The Rest of the World is either working or sleeping when you're free. And all too often, you miss the whole lead-up to the weekend (if you're lucky enough to have "off" on the weekend) because it's impossible to make plans with people *during* the week beause you can't call them in the evenings when THEY are free.
So ... you slowly turn into a hermit, watching your life slowly turn into a nonstop blur of home-work-home-work-home-work blah blah blah ... waiting for retirement or death (whichever comes first).
I forgot ... what was the point of this thread?
Posts: 3839 | From: New York City | Registered: Dec 2003
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mothball
Open Line Veteran
Member # 1627
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posted October 30, 2007 06:16 PM
My spouse and I have worked together and in separate media outlets our entire 15 year span of life together. This past decade, we've been overnighters together, and made it work.
Starting a family, though, required at least one of us to leave the business. This time, it's my turn.
I saw my mother go through trying to raise me, working overnights and struggling to make ends meet. I'm bound and determined not to let my children see that.
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It takes courage to make it to the top. It takes tenacity to stay there.
"...and it takes wisdom to realize when to pick a better mountain." -- Vulcan
Posts: 4253 | From: USA | Registered: Jun 2002
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MyracleMan
Senior Member
Member # 4998
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posted October 30, 2007 07:45 PM
I've always been of the "if it's important enough to you, you'll work at it" mindset. But, at the same time, it's really hard to work at something if you're on opposite schedules and never see each other.
My wife is a Speech Language Pathologist, and makes twice the money I do. No matter where we live, she will almost always make more money than I do. Because her salary pays the mortgage, she has a really big influence over where we live. She doesn't want to leave our current area becasue she wants her family around when we have kids. Therefore, we get to stay here, and I get to stay in small market tv, or go back to college.
My point is, you'll find issues whether you marry someone in the field or out of it. All you can do is play the cards you're dealt, and make the best with what you've got.
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"Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it."
Mark Twain
"But in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes."
Benjamin Franklin, Letter to Jean Baptiste Le Roy (1789)
Posts: 977 | From: S.D. | Registered: Dec 2003
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Anchor_27
Junior Member
Member # 16836
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posted October 30, 2007 08:07 PM
I hear you.
Everyone I date seems to have a hard time understanding my career.
Its hard because they try to make plans and I always have to tell them "I am working and YES I even work every holiday"
Its hard...
I have had boyfriends ask me if what I do is worth it and I have to say...Yes it is..
Everytime I think I can get out..I cant..its like a drug. ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Posts: 7 | From: small town America | Registered: Sep 2007
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Gil
Senior Member
Member # 1506
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posted October 31, 2007 02:33 PM
I was a pilot in Vietnam when the war ended and I returned to TV news. My wife was very happy that I wasn't flying in combat anymore, and was working in a business that she could understand.
We moved around, I got into management, got fired, got out of the business and back in again.... every move was for my career and not hers, but I know she has enjoyed the path.
Now that we are nearing retirement we have no regrets (other than working too long for some people I couldn't respect) and lots of memories and friends across the country. Just the same, I am happy that only one of our children is in the business, and he has developed skills that will serve him if he leaves TV.
[ October 31, 2007, 02:47 PM: Message edited by: Gil ]
Posts: 1323 | From: Land of beer and bratwurst | Registered: Mar 2002
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RollTide98
Member
Member # 962
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posted October 31, 2007 09:44 PM
My wife's an ER trauma center nurse. It's perhaps one of the best careers for the mate of a TV person. We both know the other may not get off work until hours after their scheduled shift. And we both know the other may get called in on certain days. And we always know I will work Thanksgiving, and she will go into work at 7pm on Christmas day.
Now, however, our first child is on the way... That'll get interesting.
Posts: 416 | From: Birmingham, Ala. | Registered: Nov 2001
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Randy Steinman
Administrator
Member # 23
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posted October 31, 2007 10:04 PM
Okay... shameless plug here...
I have just completed a 2.5-year book project on couples in teevee news and how they met. 50 people (25 couples) in total, including names you will recognize ![[Wink]](wink.gif) , from markets major to small. Stories all told in the first person.
The first proof is being printed as we speak. The first edition should be out by mid-December. Will keep you apprised.
It's been a lot of fun to do. I'm hoping some of you will find it an interesting read.
~ ends shameless plug ~
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"You haven't really worked in television until...your story idea is nixed. Then it is in the local paper. Then you are assigned to it." - s'news
Posts: 1520 | From: Pacific Grove, CA | Registered: Sep 2000
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Anchor_27
Junior Member
Member # 16836
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posted November 01, 2007 08:26 PM
cool Randy..will look for it
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Spx Guy
Member
Member # 3332
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posted November 01, 2007 09:22 PM
I think everyone posting before you tossed in your shameless plug should get a free copy...don't you???
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Vulcan
Open Line Veteran
Member # 49
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posted November 01, 2007 10:13 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Randy Steinman:
Okay... shameless plug here...
I have just completed a 2.5-year book project on couples in teevee news and how they met.
I've seen one of the chapters. It's a good read. Really.
And "Rules of Open Line" dictate that it's only a shameless plug if you are pimping a link to your blog.
Unless that link is in your signature. Then it is okay. Especially if your blog is cool.
[ November 01, 2007, 10:33 PM: Message edited by: Vulcan ]
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A few sharp thoughts about communications
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2006 Tally - BarkieDawg Lifetime Achievement Award.
"I feel old now."
Posts: 5535 | From: Free from the Island | Registered: Oct 2000
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CheapEngineer
Member
Member # 4713
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posted November 02, 2007 06:15 AM
I married my station Program Director/Station Mgr after working there a year. She quit the biz when our Daughter was born 12 years ago, but she still hopes to find a good job back in the business. Unfortunately, Good Jobs in the Business are all already taken, so she's still looking. But it's great not having to explain *why* I have to run out to the transmitter in the middle of the night, or why those jackasses in the News Department screwed up that story so badly.
When my daughter was almost 3, we were watching TV one night and when it went to black for about 10 seconds, my little girl was the one who yelled at the screen, "HellOOO?!"
Gawd, I hope we find her a job away from TV.
CheapEngineer
[ November 02, 2007, 06:18 AM: Message edited by: CheapEngineer ]
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Pro
Open Line Veteran
Member # 5396
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posted November 03, 2007 03:09 PM
That's a great story about your daughter! ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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pass the java
Member
Member # 9041
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posted November 03, 2007 08:04 PM
My boyfriend and I are both in the business. Different positions, different states. We've been making the long distance thing work for 5 years now. We're trying to make it to the same city soon. I think the most difficult part of dating someone in the business is finding a job in the same city.
I think dating someone outside the business would be fine, as long as they're willing to move with you.
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AutoTranz
Senior Member
Member # 7205
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posted November 04, 2007 01:20 AM
It would be great to have BarkieDawg here to chime in on this thread...
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
[ November 04, 2007, 01:20 AM: Message edited by: AutoTranz ]
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"The only tired I was, was tired of giving in."
Rosa Parks (1913 - 2005)
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hardened & jaded
Junior Member
Member # 4033
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posted November 04, 2007 05:36 AM
Have worked in t.v. news 25 years anchoring and producing. Always the late shift Monday through Friday. I decided not to marry as long as I was in this business because I felt I could never make a spouse happy due to the constraints of the job. If any of you women out there want me, here's my marriage proposal: "My beloved, I'll never be home for dinner, I'll never be there to tuck the kids in at night, we'll never share holidays together, and when I come home from work at midnight and want to romp in the sack..you'll never be in the mood because you're sleeping...but marry me anyway." That's not my idea of romance and marriage but if it is yours, then go for it.
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Randy Steinman
Administrator
Member # 23
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posted November 04, 2007 06:51 AM
quote:
Originally posted by AutoTranz:
It would be great to have BarkieDawg here to chime in on this thread...
Or, for that matter, any thread.
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"You haven't really worked in television until...your story idea is nixed. Then it is in the local paper. Then you are assigned to it." - s'news
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Signature on File
Open Line Veteran
Member # 6488
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posted November 06, 2007 06:22 AM
Never had any problems with married life and the TV bizz. Wife was always understanding about the job.
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Steve Fossett has just set a new record. Winner of the 2007 Nevada "Hide & Seek" Championship.
Posts: 5477 | From: Zxracradia | Registered: Jun 2004
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Clubbeat
Senior Member
Member # 6503
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posted November 06, 2007 08:23 AM
I ended up marrying my wife who was a anchor/reporter when we first met.
The thing that works for us is that we both are total news junkies. We watch news, make comments (or critiicize) what we see ot how it's produced and generally enjoy watching each other's work.
It was tough at times when we worked opposite shifts but in the end two things keep us together.
1) She's my best friend...We became friends first (for several years) before we fell in love.
2) We know when to turn it "off" . The most important thing in our lives is our kids and each other. Being in the biz is nice because she understands, like other posters have stated, that if you get the early morning wakeup call to go and fix something or to cover some breaking news. I understand when she has to work late or has to cover for some dumbass where she works.
The other cool thing is that we own a small production compnay and can both use our talent and variety of skills we've learned over the years to help run it.
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You must command respect, not demand it.
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Beentheredonethattoo
Junior Member
Member # 14415
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posted November 06, 2007 11:58 AM
I'm a former (out a year now) news manager, and have been married to a news photographer for nearly a decade. We met in a newsroom in Louisiana, and he "followed" me to 2 markets several states away before we ended up at different stations in the same big city. I ended up leaving the newsroom a year ago because the schedule proved too demanding and erratic for our family. We have 2 small children, one of whom was born with some serious medical problems. I never could have pulled off the hospital time/extra checkups/therapy visits while still working as a news manager. That's just the nature of the business.
But I was fortunate enough to make some good friends and contacts while I worked in TV news, and they've since funneled me plenty of PR work. I now work about 10-15 hours a week from home, and my husband's nightside schedule means he can take the kids to the park while I'm working. It amazes me how well it works some days! Yes, I miss my old co-workers, but I don't really miss the rest of it much. Entire days go by now when I don't watch television news, either. I never expected that but some days I blink and it's midnight.
I guess my point would be that as much as we'd like to predict the future, it's really difficult to see more than a few years down the road. New GMS and NDs are hired and heads roll, stations go under, the industry changes and an entire segment of jobs becomes obselete. I worry about my husband's job security with all of the OMB discussion on this thread! Eesh.
Call me a romantic, but I say that if you find somebody you love enough to want to see them everyday for the rest of your life, hold on tight! Life is beautiful and terrifying and often confusing as hell, but it's much easier when you have company. Good luck to you!
[ November 06, 2007, 12:01 PM: Message edited by: Beentheredonethattoo ]
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midwestnewsgirl
Junior Member
Member # 13450
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posted November 07, 2007 08:29 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Beentheredonethattoo:
Call me a romantic, but I say that if you find somebody you love enough to want to see them everyday for the rest of your life, hold on tight! Life is beautiful and terrifying and often confusing as hell, but it's much easier when you have company. Good luck to you!
I agree with that. So, that being said...is there any shame in wanting to stay in a small market to be with the one you love?
It seems most people in this business are sacrificing so much of their lives to climb markets.
I'm not from this small town, but I have a really cushy job that, believe it or not, allows me to leave work at an exact time every day, get most major holidays off, pays me better than everyone else in the same position in this market.
Is everyone frowning on me now because I may be entertaining the idea of staying here?
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Beentheredonethattoo
Junior Member
Member # 14415
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posted November 08, 2007 06:06 AM
I can't speak for anybody else here, but I wouldn't think any less of someone for choosing to stay in a smaller market. I've worked in tiny markets and big ones, and I found both talented journalists and irritatingly pompous incompetents in every newsroom along the way. I have many friends who've opted to stay put, despite plenty of big market job offers, because of commitments to home and family. I think there's a big difference between "settling" and making a mature decision about the direction of your life! At the end of the day, you only have to answer to yourself, anyway. If you're happy and fulfilled where you are, give it a go! As I mentioned before, life is a very fluid thing. If things change a year from now, the big markets aren't going anywhere! Good luck!
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Desert Rat
Open Line Veteran
Member # 641
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posted November 08, 2007 06:49 AM
You don't hear many people who work in a bank, for example, say..."I work in a bank in the 3rd largest market".
You do hear a lot of people say that they live in X, becasue they like living there.
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"I know it's only rock n roll but I like it, like it, yes i do...."
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Consider This
Senior Member
Member # 3201
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posted November 08, 2007 09:06 AM
quote:
Originally posted by midwestnewsgirl:
Is everyone frowning on me now because I may be entertaining the idea of staying here?
Why should you give a flying flip about what anyone thinks about your life choices?
If you've found a job and a love life that make you happy, you should answer anyone's prying eyes with a cheerful f*ck you.
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